Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
W. C. Fields
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Leroy 'Satchel' Paige
If you tell a lie, always rehearse it. If it don't sound good to you, it won't sound good to anybody.
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
Arthur C. Clarke
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
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