Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
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